Hardcore
Haven
Thousands
become one with every hard hitting baseline
Hands
rise and fall simultaneously
Green
laser lights beat matched
White
curtains of mist fall upon each body
The
music seeps into the blood stream
Adrenalin
becomes our drug of choice
We all
slaves to the rave
All
together
I think
for the better
I think
for the better
I think
for the better
Each
mouth moves
Becoming
one
We have
assembled here today
to
teach you all a little lesson
each
mouth moves
one
can not remain on top for years
while
closing ones mind to the influence of others
each
mouth moves
lords
of the hard school bring down the base
lords
of the hard school bring down the base
sweet
drips for the sky
each
body becomes connected
This
is my world
This
is were I fit
This
is my family
Spinning ideas of being gone.
Not away of for a little while ... but gone from this breath
of life.
This one pain.
This one lonely walk down the road that twists and turns without
any ending.
Do I like the smell of dry blood?
I know the feel of warmth as it drips slowly down my hands
and then runs
along my arms.
That one-second of pain....
As the knife slices open my tinder skin.
Blue to red as it hits the air.
Do I feel the pain you ask??
My reply, "No."
Do you understand the meaning of that word ..."Pain?" Which
meaning do you want now?
I know most of them.
Well, I use to know ....
Now I feel nothing.
Numb is the word that comes to mind.
Tears fall .... but ... why???
Is it because I miss something?
Why do I cry???
If you know why could you please get back to me because I
would like to know.
Attention?
No!
I don't want you to watch my numb soul move through life.
I don't understand.
I reach out and there is no one there to catch me.
I reach out and I am alone in a dark room.
People I use to know pass me by without a single word.
Walking to a near by mirror a girl gazes out, but who is she???
I see her staring at me with eyes of hope, dreams, and happiness.
She is beautiful and her aura tells me it is also inner beauty
too.
Then she fades away and now all I see is the girl that I know
now.
I know her through anger, fear, tears, and depression.
Her face is plain and not very pretty much.
Her eyes are cloudy and quiet and a lonely tear excapes.
Tears come to my eyes ...
I know all to well...
It is me....
I hold my hands up to my face and turn them over thinking,
" Whatever happened to the color?"
Pushing everyone out of my life is the only way I can figure
out by dealing with this.
Pushing them away with a power of anger, tears and hurting.
Quietly I beg for everyone to stay, but running is something
they do.
"Please come back! I beg you! Please!"
Lost inside myself ... with a locked heart.
By any chance if you find that key could you return it.
I kind of miss the feeling of feeling.
Imperfect
Love
Closing
my eyes images seep into my mind and become a part of me. Green fields
of long weeping grass cradles my soul to sleep as the wind lets up just
a little, giving off the warm scent of a man. Silently a near by candle
cries because it doesn't want to die, but at the same time dances with
the moon light. The sweet wind brushes back the blossoming delphinium
orchids which are what heaven probably likes to call the delicate kisses
from God. The little babbling brook tells me his many unheard secrets
that no one ever has time to hear, but he knows I do. He knows more then
anyone could ever dream because when you speak out loud, thinking no one
is listening ... he is. Sometimes he knows that I just need to talk, so
he quiets the breeze, silences the animals, and tells the moon to add
a little more beauty to her sky. He loves me. He is not perfect but imperfect
and he found perfection in me. Is that what love is? I imagine so ...
love is not finding the perfect man, but the imperfect man to love you
perfectly and the river does that beyond perfection.
My
Destiny
No hidden secrets ... no lies awaiting the untold ear ... nothing to
hide.
Does he feel it too? Does he feel forever too? I don't know what I feel
anymore. Caring ... maybe but deep down without words to say! Just like
the
past when I first loved. Caring but without words and cheating I did
do. But in that aspect I now wondered if I really loved at all? Alone
is running through my blood and closing my eyes I see his face. Rest
so peaceful my little baby ... rest! So tired ... how do I know ...
I just do. Pushing ones self to the limit but knows he should rest,
but doesn't. Why do you do such things? Why do I care so much but then
I don't? Why don't I care? My tears
know ... once I loved fully and completely. The girl chased him away?
No,
that girl was in the process of getting better. How could I believe
that
word "love" ever again! Now how do I know ... ????? Black
night hold me ... rap
me up in your blanketed sky and help me understand where love makes
me live and
love.
Help me understand my life... Oh, sweet tear why do you fall now? I
wish you could talk and tell me your secret that I die to know. Dream
pleasant dreams ... telling me in the end what I need to do or should
do.
Growing and living ... Breath in and out, trying to understand why life
was
given to me? No, do I really need to wonder? Why do you come in my life
now?
Why
do you care so much but in the end you don't? You don't know me? You
stand on a cliff but how will I know when you are going to fall. Will
you
scream before hand so I can me at the bottom to catch you. So ... I
do care!
Why can't I say it though? Walls are built between my heart and everything
else. My heart seems to be in a brick box with no way out and a limited
amount of oxygen. Before I understood love and I said it when I felt
it but
then days later I wish I wouldn't have. So no I don't love you ... will
I
love you? Have I loved you in the past? You are what I am looking for.
I
feel as though I am looking deep into my dad's eyes when I look at you.
I love
my father so why will I not love you one day? My questions are, "
If I do end
up loving you ... will you leave me ... will you leave me like the last
one?
Will I be able to believe you when you say those three words or will
you
just show me instead?" So if you will love me show me, don't tell
me. Let the
waves run up on the shore and the moon peek through the mist and let
the
words "I love you" law softly in the sand. Let the music of
nature hold my
hand and let my soul cry. Let my tears run freely ... not because of
sadness
but
of pure peace and the unexplainable feelings that seem to float around
in my head. Then look into my eyes and just hand me a letter explaining
those
three words. Let the pages be crisp and let it be in your writing. Let
it be a book in needs be, but if you love me ... don't just tell me
... show me!
A Drunken
Lost Night And Cheating I did Do!
Lost in a world
of confusion and thinking is the only route I seem to be
taking on.
Dwelling I do no more, but recalling past actions I wonder if I even
regret?
Tied down , that I am, but a closed heart which he can't see.
Words are caringly spoken, but actions don't to seem to follow.
Tears well-up inside, but rain ... it does not do.
My regrets are just memories that seem to be laying on the hot sand
... and
my life doesn't look as if it really cares.
So is my regret a regret at all?
Why don't I remember ? Why can't I recall?
My
Mother's Displeasure
Quiet
are thee for all the world to see in my little corner in the dark.
Unworthy of life, but worth for Hell to consume me.
Is
that something that I need?
... For Hell to consume me...
Lost
in the world with no way out and all I can hear is screaming.
Numbing the fear is something that I have to do.
You wouldn't understand ... even if you tried.
Dissatisfaction is all I ever bring you, so why live or try anymore.
Alone am I for years to come.
I will never ask again ...
Alone am I .... with nothing.
Yes, I am a disappointment so why do you care?
From now on I am myself and your disappointment will probably grow.
Here lies your pain .. from now on it will fade because you will never
hear
me ask for the sky ever again
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