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Last
night the moon infected me with her touch.
She spun a thread of eternity from me to her.
I am blinded by ecstacy
My body twisted and contorted…
She calls to me, the voice of serenity
And I am engulfed in her glow
There are many others with me
There are many others in me
I spin in circles orbiting around the earth
While my body is clenched up in a fetal position
Tears pouring down my face
The moon was shot in the stomach
By a careless hunter
Thinking she was the falcon
And she was.
She let out a gasp
And I shuddered in ecstacy
Bleeding her blood.
I am rhythm.
Somewhere, somehow,
I flew in on a drumbeat
Into Existence.
I am rhythm.
I speak for myself,
I swim for myself.
I am unrepeatable
And very constant.
I am rhythm.
I die down and then
Pick up again.
I am rhythm.
Spiraling through the air
Beat by beat
Moment by moment.
My heart pinning down
Whoever, whatever in sight.
I am rhythm.
Anticipate penetration
Anticipate solitude.
Rejoice.
I am rhythm.
I beat for truth
I pound for love
I am the backbone
of everything and everyone.
I am rhythm.
I'll stand behind you
Strong and weakening
Bright and Pale.
Black was the color of her eyes.
Not dark brown, but black, eternity reflected in each eyeball.
She was born peering into my soul.
I held her in my arms as she sucked on my finger, slowly, pensively
as if
absorbing every taste, every touch, every cell.
I kissed her on her forehead feeling overwhelming sense of love
in every
bone of my body.
I morphed into the speck of gold reflected in her eyeballs.
The speck of gold I stayed,
Love infecting every atom of my body.
I wove and spread and grew
My touch a pinprick on your skin
Unable to feel, unable to grasp
The tingly feeling… then nothing.
That was me.
I
watch a ring of smoke float through the window as I sit smoking
a cigarette and thinking of my mother. I am listening to the
hypnotic sounds of Autechre and I am smoking weed out of a knobby
glass pipe. I am twenty two now, lounging, waiting for things
to happen. They will happen. I'll make them happen. But not
right now… right now I am reflecting. I stop to think of who
I am as a solid presence. I am bendable like clay and porous
like the earth. I absorb and absorb and absorb. Memories like
clear onion skins, one right over the other, building, forming,
becoming something else in the process and yet remaining so
distinct when pealed back. Page one. I am still on page one.
I never have the patience. Words form beautiful defined shapes
but when they come together all too well, I back away in fear.
Always. I close my eyes. Always. I jump up and dance. Always.
Always dance. My body twisting, making shapes to the sound.
The state of non-thought and pure experience. Peace bestows
me. The conflict no longer internal but external and I watch
it lazily unfold… and I feel guilt somehow, like I should care…
but I don't.
They say that only some are awake
Suspended in pure amazement
I dreamt that you let me hold your hand
And we were lying motionless
Amazed and blinded by the light.
I felt your fingers clenching mine
Pain seeping through your fingernails
Was it my pain or yours
Suspended I no longer knew.
We played the stare game
And you looked away
My eyes still peering into yours
Tears pouring down my face
I saw you run in fear, the footsteps
Making spaces in my mind.
I felt the spasms in my stomach
And I no longer knew who you were.
A star child
Flickering gently in the sky
Sometimes I see you
Waver in the clouds.
Turk and Leavenworth
I wake up screaming
To the sound of thunder
Like a gunshot furious
With intent.
My head still glued to your
Shoulder,
Our legs tangled up
Under the blankets.
The smell of your hair
Pantene shampoo
Or no
The imitation Pantene
I bought at Safeway
For two bucks.
Your eyeballs moving
Under your closed lids.
Long, girly eyelashes,
A lone one
On your cheek
I touch it with my finger.
Outside the fury
Of time
Rain pouring on the sidewalks
Drowning out the
Human waste.
Crack heads and crack pipes
Used condoms
Drops of blood
The rain
Helps me forget.
I put my head back down on your shoulder
Close my eyes.
The sounds of rain,
Cleansing
Soothing
Renewing.
Pass Me a Cigarette
Pass me a cigarette
As I stare inside you
mmm.
do I care to write this
everyday I shoot some
code into my veins
making it straight
making it red
colors colliding
smoking for peace
or peace for smoking
same thing
I hide in my room
I hide from the world
Pass me a cigarette
As I sign an online petition
To end world penetration
Of indignation.
Still ignored.
I dream an illusive dream
Where my presence is not
Just my own.
Pass me a joint or a crack pipe
As the monotony of my words
Dangling from the ceiling.
Writing code to not cry
Calluses on my fingertips
I neatly fold my confusion
Into rectangular boxes on the screen.
Can I be honest with you?
Really, can I?
How many times have I walked
Down the same tested path
Every day, every hour until sometime
Around 6.
Windy streets await me for 20 minutes
And each one I am alive
Only the pain seeping
Slowly inside
Like a poisonous gas
She sat there motionless
Peering into my soul though instant messenger.
Or was she really.
Did she really think that she was.
Silly girl.
Projectile ejaculation I sweated into
The dots on the screen
My angst, my vile humanity
Hiding behind the glass
Of the computer screen
While my flesh was covered
With goose bumps.
Pass me a cigarette
Just the same
Put some mustard on my hotdog.
Ummm. The American dream.
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